


Jim Purriarty and Sebastian Meowan

by OfficialStarsandGutters



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pure Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 09:38:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfficialStarsandGutters/pseuds/OfficialStarsandGutters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While testing an experimental drug something goes wrong and Jim and Sebastian find themselves in an unusual predicament.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jim Purriarty and Sebastian Meowan

Jim’s always had an active interest in science. That’s why, despite the fact they don’t really contribute to his empire, he funds several labs. Well, if there’s going to be a break through in genetics or anything of the sorts, he wants to be the first to know about it. Unlike Baskerville, his labs have no connection to the government, and thus can do as they please. The main advantage of this is the fact that they can test on humans. Jim often sends people he wants rid of for the worst possible experiments. He does so enjoy seeing the results.

They’re currently focusing on a drug that increases mental functioning by allowing humans to access more of their brain, since they use such a limited amount. Jim doesn’t have much hope for it. After all, it’s the kind of thing people have been looking into for years. Still, he’s curious about it. Thus far they’ve only done animal testing and while there seems to be more brain activity after administration of the drug, it’s difficult to tell how humans will react. Interested, he demands that two vials of the mixture be sent to him, ignoring the protests and warnings.

That evening he comes up behind Sebastian when he’s making dinner (pasta and some kind of creamy sauce that smells delicious), curling his arms around the sniper’s waist and nuzzling into his back. Sebastian continues stirring with one hand, laying the other over one of Jim’s arms. Jim seizes the opportunity and sticks the syringe into his arm, dispensing its contents before Seb can pull away.

“Jim, what the fuck!” He jerks his arm out of Jim’s reach, sending the needle that was still stuck in it sailing across the kitchen. “What was in that?”

“Just an experimental drug.” Jim shrugs, as if it’s no biggie. To be fair, it’s not the first time this has happened. Living with Jim is unpredictable and downright dangerous most of the time. Sebastian glares at him, but there’s no point getting too angry. It’s over and done with now. “Don’t worry, I’m taking it too, I just want to make sure there’s no negative effects first.”

“I’m not your fucking guinea pig,” Sebastian snaps, nudging Jim out of the way so he can go back to stirring his sauce, because if he leaves it too long it’ll stick to the saucepan, okay.

“You’re whatever I want you to be, love.” Jim smiles, hopping up on the counter and swinging his legs. He watches Sebastian closely. “How do you feel?”

Sebastian glances up, annoyance still evident on his face.

“Tired and bloody sore. You could at least warn me before you stick those things in me. You’re none too gentle, you know.” His arm is already beginning to throb from where Jim practically stabbed him. Pain and irritation making him snappier than usual. He’s just back from lying on a cold concrete roof for three and a half hours, alright. He’s allowed to be a bit pissy when Jim’s being a dick.

“Mhmm. Anything else? Dizziness, nausea, blurred vision?”

There’s a pause as Sebastian considers it, mentally assessing himself before shrugging.

“No, nothing.”

After they’re finished dinner (and Jim actually ate, so Seb supposes something good has come from this evening), Jim sits beside the sink, watching him wash the dishes with close scrutiny. If Sebastian wasn’t used to it it would be creepy as fuck. As it is, it’s just a bit annoying.

“Must you?” he asks with a sigh, reaching past Jim for the drying cloth.

“Do you feel any cleverer? Headaches, sense of clarity, anything?”

Sebastian raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him before shaking his head. Nothing. He goes back to drying the dishes and Jim lets out a sound of irritation, sliding down from the counter and circling the kitchen a few times. Well, there seems to be no side effects, and Sebastian is rubbish at reporting effects anyway. If he wants to test this he’s going to have to use himself.

The other syringe is on the bedside table. Jim presses it into his skin without flinching, dispensing the drug to his system and waiting. After ten minutes nothing happens and impatience gets the better of him. He starts pacing the living room.

“Jim, sit down, you’re blocking the TV.”

Jim ignores him. He paces the flat four times before plopping down beside Sebastian on the couch, head dropping into his lap. Seb doesn’t respond beyond idly stroking at his hair. Jim makes annoyed noises until the sniper looks down at him.

“What?”

“Nothing is happening. This is stupid.” He sighs heavily, rolling over and burying his face into Sebastian’s stomach. Seb simply shakes his head, letting Jim get on with it until he feels a bite on his stomach.

“Ow- Jim! Can you not just act like a normal human being for five minutes?”

“Boring.” Jim crawls properly onto Sebastian’s lap, nuzzling against his neck and sighing again. He hadn’t expect much, true, but it’s disappointing all the same. Sebastian just lets himself be used as a human climbing frame-cum-chair, knowing better than to push Jim off, even when his ridiculously bony hips dig painfully against Seb’s thigh.

“Stop squirming.” Sebastian grabs Jim’s hips, stilling him. Surprisingly enough Jim complies, settling down against Seb for the next few minutes. It’s warm and comfortable and Seb’s starting to get a bit sleepy. He readjusts them so they’re lying down, Jim sprawled over the top of him, splayed out on his chest like he always does. He makes a mumbled noise and burrows further into Seb’s neck. Clearly he’s not the only one that’s sleepy. Tangling his fingers in Jim’s hair, he lets his heavy lids close and drifts off.

*

Jim wakes first. He yawns and stretches out, back arching up into a curve. Then he tenses. Something feels off. Very off. Opening his eyes he leaks out a squeak of protest. He’s in a cave, he’s trapped, someone’s caught him. He struggles before falling out of the material he’s lost in and toppling sideways on to the couch cushion. The couch cushion which he barely takes up half of. He looks down at himself, or rather, the body he’s currently trapped in. Sleek black fur covers every inch of his four legged frame. He glances over his shoulder and, yes, that is a long tail swishing elegantly behind him. His clothes lie scattered on the sofa.

It must be a dream. People don’t just wake up as cats. He presses one paw on top of the other, feeling the sharpness of his claws. Nothing happens. He doesn’t wake up. Shit. He sits back on his hind legs, and wow okay this is a weird position, but then again not as weird as the fact that he’s a fucking _cat_ now. He glances at the long, lanky body of the tabby beside him, ribs rising and falling as he sleeps, only his hind legs hidden beneath the collar of his t-shirt. Sebastian is an odd colour, like brown mixed with grey. His fur is covered in dark stripes and even in the middle of his existential crisis Jim can’t help but appreciate the irony. His tiger finally has stripes.

And whiskers and fur and a tail. Fuck. _Fuck._

He opens his mouth to call Sebastian’s name but all that comes out is a low yowl. _You have got to be joking me. I can’t even speak now? Brilliant. Perfect. Excellent._ Hissing in annoyance, Jim bats at Seb with his paw until the other cat stirs. He waves his paw absently back at Jim without opening his eyes until Jim hisses at him again. _Wake up and see that you’re a fucking cat._

Sebastian produces a low gurgling kind of purr that’s supposed to be a groan of annoyance. At the strange sound his eyes fly open and oh, oh what is _this_? He looks toward the other cat and is that Jim? Yes. He’d know those big, brown eyes anywhere. He must be dreaming. Then Jim ducks down and bites his tail. Hard.

Sebastian lets out a kind of yelping squeak, jumping up and curling into the corner of the couch because, _ow, fucker, that hurt._ Jim blinks at him and his impatience is painfully clear, even in this form. Sebastian can almost hear his tongue curling around the word _idiot_. Part of his cat instinct tells him to _hissclawbite_ in return, but he ignores that, because bloody hell he’s not going to fight Jim. He makes his own attempt to speak, letting out a rather pissy sounding meow, before realising that oh, great, they can’t even do that. Jim gives a little nod as if Sebastian is a very slow child that just learned one and one makes two. Sebastian wonders how it’s even possible for a cat to look that condescending.

Jim’s a gorgeous cat, too. All sleek, shiny black fur that’s a lot thinner than Sebastian’s and those big, dark eyes. He twitches his nose as if amused, like he knows Sebastian’s checking him out even now. Probably does. Seb wouldn’t be surprised. He uncurls from his defensive position, tilting his head curiously, silently questioning. _Why the fuck are we cats?_

Jim thinks for a moment before turning his head towards the kitchen. He hops down from the sofa, landing on his feet but stumbling slightly, clumsy within his new body. He looks back at Seb and lets out a ‘miaaaow’ when he sees he’s not following. Even as a cat, Sebastian knows an order when he hears one. He pounces down after Jim, landing a bit more gracefully and padding after him to the kitchen. Jim sniffs around until he finds the syringe that fell from Seb’s arm. He nudges it with his nose, looking to Sebastian then back to the syringe.

Once more he looks back to Sebastian and can practically see the tabby’s expression darken. He pads closer and bats at Jim’s head with his paw. _Good going, you prick._ Jim hisses and claws him in return, just below his right eye. Sebastian wails, and really, what the hell are these noises coming from his throat? He goes to step back, step down, because Jim is his boss and he has to listen to him. But something inside him surges him forward. Yowling, he scratches Jim back in response, catching his ear and nicking it slightly.

Jim hisses, lowering himself and flattening his ears down. He yowls in response, foot hovering about the ground before lashing out again. They hiss and scratch at each other for a few minutes, ending up rolling around the floor until they bump against the counter and come back to their senses. Panting slightly, Sebastian bounces off Jim, pacing to the other side of the kitchen to put some space between them. The smaller cat, Jim has come out the worse for wear, several shallow scratches on his body bleeding. The blood is unnoticeable on his dark fur, the only visible wound a streak of red on the inside of his ear.

He’s still lowered against the ground, as if afraid of another attack. His ears are flat and his tail is bristled, teeth bared as he hisses again in warning. Sebastian hisses back. His own ears are flat but his tail is swaying dangerously side to side. He’s almost getting ready to pounce again when he realises, no, he’s not a cat and he will not give into these instincts. Giving himself a little shake he turns away from Jim. They need some way to communicate.

Jim relaxes slightly at Sebastian’s turned back. He straightens himself up and prowls forward, a slow, dangerous movement. Circling around Seb, he leaves distance between them. He’s halfway across the room when his phone goes off, startling him and causing him to jump, fur instinctively bristling. Sebastian gives a yowl that sounds like a laugh and, if Jim weren’t sure he’d come our worse again, he’d go back and scratch him. Instead he moves for the sofa.

He makes a leap, catching the edge of it and clinging with his claws. His back legs kick at the empty space beneath him before he topples onto the floor again. Sebastian moves past him, rolling his eyes and, wow, it’s weird seeing a cat do that. He crouches down before taking an elegant leap, landing easily on the couch cushions. Jim doesn’t like to be bettered. He copies Seb’s movements, crouching down before springing up. He makes it this time, but trips on landing and rolls onto his side. Sebastian leans over him and Jim automatically tenses.

Then there’s the feeling of sandpaper against his ear as Seb licks the blood away. He makes an apologetic little mewing sound, sitting back and blinking at Jim, awaiting his response. Jim rolls back onto his feet, ignoring Sebastian in favour of digging his phone out of his pocket. It’s not easy and his claws won’t work it, but after a lot of trial and error he manages to hit the message up using his nose.

_Mr Moriarty, there seems to have been a mix up in the lab. Instead of the serum you were supposed to receive one of our lab assistants accidentally got it mixed up with an experimental genetics solution we’re working on. Please don’t use it as we are unsure of the effects._

Great. So it’s the idiots down at the labs fault. Someone is going to die for this, Jim decides. Then panics slightly, because how is he supposed to run a criminal empire as a cat? He nudges the phone toward Sebastian and the other cat moves closer, grey-blue eyes shifting side to side as he reads the message. He looks at Jim after that, unblinking. Jim looks back. After several minutes of staring Sebastian ducks and starts poking the phone with his nose. It’s slightly messy, but it’s close enough.

_Wehat do wse do nowq_

Jim nudges him out of the way, taking time with his own message to make sure it’s typed correctly. Perfectionist prick.

_Wait and see if it wears off._

Sebastian hops down from the sofa and begins prancing around the room. He wants to rub up against everything. _Markterritorymine._ He manages to fight down the desire, instead trying to rid himself of some of the restlessness built up inside him. Jim simply sits on the sofa, trying to come up with some kind of plan in case they’re stuck like this. After twenty minutes Sebastian hops up to sit beside him again.

Jim tilts his head towards him in a way that might be a silent apology if it were anyone but Jim. Sebastian moves closer. _Minemarkmine._ This time he gives in, nuzzling his head against the side of Jim’s. Jim tenses, expecting an attack, before relaxing. It’s only after a few seconds he realises that Sebastian is scenting him. He hisses, trying to move him away. Sebastian pins him down and licks a strip behind his ear. Jim’s hackles raise and he spits, making angry clicking sounds in his throat.

Sebastian purrs, low and deep until Jim relaxes. Then he curls around him, settling down and continuing to lick at Jim’s head. It should be disgusting, but it’s actually rather relaxing and Jim soon settles, drowsing as Sebastian continues licking at his head. He doesn’t realise he’s emitting his own purring sounds until he feels the vibrations in his throat. Contented and warm, curled against Sebastian, he lets the stress of the situation slip away and drifts off easier than he ever has a human.

Sebastian continues grooming Jim until his breathing evens out, the curve of his ribs rising and falling with each breath. He sniffs at Jim’s neck, nuzzling his nose into the fur before moving back and laying his chin on top of Jim’s head. Curling his tail protectively around the smaller cat, he closes his eyes and lets himself sleep. Being a cat is exhausting. His last thought as he drifts off is that perhaps this is why they sleep so much.

*

When Sebastian wakes his mouth tastes horrible. Dry and scratchy and…is that a hair? He pushes himself up, gagging and rubbing his tongue with the back of his hand. Wait. Hand?

“Jim!” In his excitement he nearly sends Jim rolling off the sofa, but catches him before he falls and gives him a light shake. Jim jolts awake, instantly on guard.

“What?”

“We’re human again.”

“Oh, so we are. It must only be a temporary transformation. Hmmm, interesting.” He sits up, yawning and stretching before rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Very interesting.”

“We’re not trying it again,” Sebastian says, before Jim has the chance to ask. Jim gives him a kicked puppy look, all wide eyes and quivering lip. They both know it’s bullshit. Besides, if Jim really wanted to do it again he wouldn’t need Seb’s permission.

“Perhaps it’s for the best, until we’ve done further research.” He gives a little nod, sliding round to put his feet on the ground. “Get dressed, kitten.” Quiet chuckle at the new meaning attached to the pet name. “Daddy needs a few people from the research labs killed.”

It’s only as he stands does Sebastian notice the scatter of claw marks over Jim’s body. Jim follows his line of sight, frowning slightly at the marks.

“Ah, yes, those. Well, your punishment can wait until later. Come along, Bastian.” Jim’s very clearly in charge again now that they are no longer in cat form. _The way it should be._ Sebastian just smiles and rises, following after him.

“Yes boss.”


End file.
